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Thursday, November 10, 2016

An Open Letter to President-Elect Donald Trump

Thursday,  November 10, 2016

Dear Mr. Trump:
 I am one of the 60,122,876 people who didn’t vote for you on Tuesday. I didn’t vote for you because as far as I can tell you have neither the experience, knowledge nor temperament to be President.Furthermore, you seem to have only a tenuous grasp on reality and an inability to tell the truth. But most of all, I didn’t vote for you because you have, with your belligerent, bullying, demeaning rhetoric, fanned the flames of hate and anger in many of your supporters, legitimizing their racist, misogynist, hateful attitudes toward  women, blacks,  Latinos,  other ethnic minorities,  Muslims,  people in the  LGBT community, people with disabilities and  many others.  Just this week,  two of my friends and neighbors have been accosted and traumatized by  people whose hate and anger you have legitimized.

Maybe you didn’t see this coming, but a lot of us did, and it terrified us. It still terrifies us. You say you want to be the President of all the people, but how can that be when you have in effect told your followers that it’s all right to attack and accost those you have targeted in your speeches? How can that be when you have bragged about how smart you are for not paying the taxes that support our schools, our libraries, our hospitals, our  police, our military, our veterans, taxes that guarantee that we have safe food to eat, clean air to breathe and water to drink, that our roads are built and kept in repair, that provide a safety net for those who  fall through the cracks, for the  elderly, for people with disabilities, for the working poor who often work two jobs and still have trouble keeping  their children clothed and fed? Which leads me to question how you  can be pro-life, yet talk about cutting back or taking away services and programs that help to sustain and improve life for those already born? You say you want to make America great again, but how can you do that when you have encouraged your followers to turn on their fellow citizens much as the KKK turned on blacks and Jews and Catholics, when hangings and cross burnings were common during some of the darker, not so great periods of our recent history? And now you have the endorsement of the KKK and some of its leaders, who now feel so emboldened that they are distributing flyers in neighborhoods close to me.

You said that you will bring back jobs and industries that once thrived but are now shuttered, the jobs shipped out of the country. Mr. Trump, a lot of those jobs aren’t coming back, they’re finished. But we do need to encourage innovation for new products, particularly in areas of green energy so we can build up supply chains with skilled jobs that pay well.  We need to support labor unions with their training and apprentice programs to provide a well-paid, skilled workforce. We need to replace the coal and retrain miners for these new jobs so that they can become productive, able to support their families and  be proud of the work they do.  But of course, you believe climate change is a Chinese hoax, don’t you, so no green energy jobs, I guess.  We need to support companies that pledge to  keep jobs here and invest in their workers rather than outsourcing or shipping their operations  abroad, while avoiding paying their share of taxes. We need to find a way to encourage small businesses, and to support American farmers and manufacturers through effective, efficient and fair trade policies and tariffs  that benefit us and our trading partners.

We need to strengthen our ties with our allies, not threaten to abandon them by withdrawing from NATO, and we need to stand up to Russia’s threat of aggression in the Baltic states, not check our balance sheets to determine whether they“have fulfilled their obligations to us.”  That’s kind of rich coming from someone who doesn’t even pay his federal taxes. No, Mr. Trump, I don’t have much confidence in your abilities, nor in your program and policy proposals, and even less in the people you  are reported to be  looking to  appoint  to Cabinet positions.

I would love to be proven wrong, that the great plans, the best plans that you refer to, whatever they are, actually will work well for the nation as a whole. But I would remind you that while you may have won a stunning victory in garnering the most Electoral College votes, you did not win a mandate from the people.  Your opponent actually won the popular vote by roughly 300,000 votes at last count.  Those of us who voted for Sec. Clinton are watching you, and we will let you know how we think you’re doing. Meanwhile I suggest that you make some attempt to rein in your supporters, whose sparks of anger and fear and hate have been fanned into  a raging fire that, if not checked, will burn this nation to such a degree that we will not be able to recover for perhaps generations.  I don’t think you, or any of us, want that.

Grace K. B. Smith

Thursday, June 02, 2016

First and Fifth

On the first of every month my grandmother always said “Rabbits!”  for luck when she  woke up.  I forgot to say “Rabbits”  yesterday. That may account for my most unusual and LONG day at the infusion clinic for my fifth Erbitux/Camptosar treatment on June first.

My appointment was for 8:45 AM and since they ask you to be there fifteen minutes early, we  arrived at 8:30. I signed in, paid my co-pay and was called back to the lab to be weighed, have my temperature taken and my  blood pressure recorded. My temp was below  normal and my blood pressure was slightly low, but  neither seemed to be a problem. Getting blood through the port for the blood test, however, was a major  problem. The phlebotomist, after several attempts in which she had me raise my arm or turn my head, was unable to get my port to draw, so she sent me over to the oncology nurses to see if they could get it to work. They sat me in one of the recliners and tipped it  all the way back so I was nearly standing on my head.  Nothing seemed to work.  The phlebotomist, meanwhile, took blood from my arm so as not to hold  things up any more than was needed. They then injected what the nurse referred to as a liquid plumber to break up any obstruction in the catheter and I was  put in a cold room to give it time to work. Did I mention that the temp in the building is kept just slightly above the temperature in a meat cooler? I was beginning to wonder if my blood had frozen solid and that’s why they couldn’t get it to come out. 

After about an hour in the  exam room the doctor came in, apologizing for all the delays.  Seems they are in the process of converting all the paper patient files to an electronic format, so instead of bringing in my usual thick green folder, she was carrying a little mini computer. Evidently there is a steep learning curve and computer people were constantly bustling about and everything was delayed, even  getting the orders for  the infusions. 
I told the  doctor about the skin reaction I had over the weekend, which was  a LOT worse than the previous  outbreak and caused intense  itching and burning, leaving me with bright red skin,  big welts all over my neck and flaking, dry skin that  was peeling off. I got it under control with some Aveeno products and was amazed at how well they worked on calming the rash and redness down and softening my skin. The doctor said she thought I was probably having a reaction to the doxycycline. She had asked me before prescribing it if I had an allergy to tetracycline, and I told her I had no idea, since I had taken so few drugs in my life. Turns out I may have an allergy or a sensitivity to it after all. We’ll see how it goes this time without the doxycycline.  She said I’ll have my sixth treatment in two weeks and then another scan the week after that to see how the drugs are working. I told her that  between my thinning hair and  scaly flaking skin I thought  I was transmogrifying into a hybrid cross between Lizard Lady and Gollum, so they had better be working just to make all this worthwhile! Meanwhile the nurses tried a few more times to get blood to draw, to no avail. I was told they would send someone  to take me to radiology to see if the port and catheter have shifted or become obstructed and needed to be removed and replaced. I kept my fingers crossed that the problem was a minor, easily corrected one.

I went back   to the waiting room to… yes, wait.  So I waited and waited for the wheelchair person to show up. Finally, after making a few calls and determining that  everybody was tied up  for emergencies, one of the receptionists from the oncology department wheeled me over.  That was quite a trip, down hallways, around corners, through the walkway connecting the clinic to the main hospital, then down more hallways.  It was a regular maze and I would never have found my way over there on my own, even if I had been able to walk that far without collapsing!

Once I was up on the radiology table and the plates were placed under me, the doctor moved the machine into position, assuring me that the arm would come very close to me but wouldn’t actually touch me. Then he had me hold my breath while the machine did its thing. It was kind of neat to actually see the port in place and how long the catheter was. The radiologist was able to draw blood with no problem, there was no obstruction or kinking and nothing had shifted, so they don’t know what the actual problem was. I was wheeled back out and waited once more for the valet service to take me back.  I thought, since it was already past 1:00 and my infusion has been taking between four and five hours, that they might reschedule, but they decided to go ahead and told me I should be finished up by 4:30. The rest of the afternoon was fairly uneventful. Well, except for the trips to the rest room that became extremely frequent once the infusions began,    prompting the nurse to move me to a chair just outside the bathroom door so I wouldn’t have to drag my pole and infusion bags so far.

Mr. G left at one point to go home and let the dogs out. We were worried they might have accidents all over the house since they hadn’t been out in quite a while. He said they were most anxious to get out, too, and made a mad dash to the back door when he got home.

He came back and spent another hour in the waiting room.  Finally I was finished and we arrived home at around 5:15 PM, nine hours after we’d left.  I was hungry and exhausted, but fell asleep before I got a chance to eat. Mr, G  made me a sandwich and I ate a little when I woke up at 7:30 before falling asleep again. I slept on and off all night and am finally beginning to feel almost normal, or as normal as I usually feel after an infusion. You can rest assured that  on the first of July, I will wake up saying “Rabbits!” to avoid another occurrence like the fifth on the first!

Sunday, May 08, 2016

I've got you under my skin

That is my song for Erbitux today. It is definitely under my skin, and not in a good way. Today I am going to indulge in a little (or a lot of) whining. The nasty Erbitux rash has spread from my face down to my neck and beyond, itches and burns like crazy and  my skin is unbelievably dry and flaky!  Mr G says it looks much better today than it did yesterday, but it sure doesn’t feel any better!

We had grand plans yesterday to go to Pepper Place Market and then do some grocery shopping and pick up some herbs for my herb garden, but decided it might be a better idea for me to stay in out of the sun, since sunlight exacerbates the rash. I’ve been slathering SPF30 sunblock on my exposed skin, wearing a hat, sunglasses and long sleeved shirt when I’m outside, etc., but maybe I should just become a nocturnal creature and venture out only after dark. I guess gardening is on hold, too, which is a big disappointment.  I’m not sure that gardening after dark is such a good idea.  There’s no telling what the neighbors might think if they looked out their windows and saw me wielding my spade and digging holes in the back yard! So we’ll just wait and hope the rash subsides within the next few days.

I’ve been using the Clindamycin gel the doctor prescribed, and it did seem to work after the first and second Erbitux infusions, but doesn’t seem to be doing much good this time around. The itching and burning woke me up  last night and the night before, and I was unable to  get back to sleep, so took a Benadryl.  I don’t know whether that was a good idea or mot, but it did let me go back to sleep. If the rash  hasn’t improved by tomorrow I plan to call the clinic to see if there is something else I should be doing for it, but in the meantime, I’ll just gripe and complain.  I’m getting really good at it, too- just ask Mr. G!

Here’s a pic Mr. G took this morning of my “looks much better today” rash.

Thursday, May 05, 2016

Three Treatments Down

Yesterday we left for the clinic at 8:45 AM and arrived back home at 3PM.  Five of those six hours were spent in the infusion chair. It was a LONG time! I watched other people come and go, get hooked up and unhooked.  Only my fellow infusee in the next chair was in there almost as long as I was and we chit-chatted a little when both of us were awake- although we both drifted off a few times.  He has pancreatic cancer and has been  on chemo for almost a year, too. He said he'd lost about 70 pounds  since his diagnosis and lost all his hair at one point, although most of it has grown back now. He couldn't believe I had lost neither weight nor hair. He is a fairly upbeat person, although most of the people I've talked to who come in for treatment the same time I do are philosophical about the whole thing and are pretty upbeat.  My chairmate told me there was no family history of cancer, but that he had already lost a son to cancer several years ago, before he himself was diagnosed. His son left behind a four year old and a five year old child. We commented how hard it is to watch a young person with  his or her whole life ahead of them be struck with this devastating disease, and it does seem that an increasing number of younger people are being diagnosed. I sometimes wonder whether it’s because diagnostic tools are much more precise and are able to detect disease earlier, or whether there really is an increase caused by environmental factors.

Yesterday was my third treatment with the Irinotecan and  Cetuximab. I did have one mishap.  On one of my trips to the restroom, (and after all that liquid is pumped into one there are many trips, believe me) I managed somehow to  pull the needle out of the port.  That was  quite a shock and I didn’t have the presence of mind to close the clamps on the tubing so I leaked a little of the chemo, but I’ll know to do that if it happens again. Fortunately, the nurse was close by and got me rehooked straight away. Except for the fatigue and the skin rash I’m tolerating the treatments  well so far.  I did go to sleep when we got home yesterday and slept most all of the evening and into the night, with frequent wake up calls by my bladder. I still feel tired this morning, and the rash and flushing are spreading down my neck and onto my chest. Most of the acne-like pustules that formed during the first and second treatments have pretty much cleared up, thanks in part to the clindomycin gel the doctor prescribed- at almost $100 a tube. I also had some eye problems that developed after the first treatment- my eyes were crusted shut when I’d wake up and then start running and itching.  That cleared up after a few drops of the prescription eye drops. Now I am  left with very red, very rough, very dry and flaky patches of skin.  I feel as though  tightly stretched alligator hide has replaced my skin! I have switched from coconut oil to emu oil- I figured a bird might be a better adversary for an alligator than a coconut would be and so far, so good.

I have been able to remain active, for the most part,  attending events and   working in the garden. On the Friday of the off week between the first and second treatments I attended a wonderful performance of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony performed  by the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra  at one of their coffee concerts. These concerts, held in the morning, are less formal, less expensive than the evening concerts and are not as crowded.  I have  been lucky in being able to get my favorite seats in the Dress Circle very close to the exit and   almost in touching distance of the bass  section. I also get a wonderful side view of  our marvelously dynamic conductor, much better than looking at his back for the whole concert!

Our forty third anniversary fell two days after my second treatment, on Friday, April 22.  I slathered on some SPF 30  sun block,  donned my hat and a long sleeved shirt and we celebrated by attending the Magic City Art Connection, a wonderful  three day  show of arts and crafts held in  Linn Park in downtown Birmingham.  The weather forecast hadn’t been too promising but  the rain, except for a few sprinkles, held off for the duration of the show. It was great to   visit  some of my artist friends  who had work for sale, to enjoy the live jazz music, and to run into two of my favorite street photographers and a few other friends while we were there.

My gardening efforts are ongoing, but there is still a lot of work to be done. We’ve had a few rainy days, which seemed to give a lot of slow starters the impetus to get going. I t also   gave the weeds a  growth spurt, so there’s always some  good and some bad effects  when it rains.  The beans are coming along nicely and  will need to be thinned out, I think since the seeds seem to have drifted and  they look quite  crowded in spots. I  planted out some of the calendula I’d started from seed, some strawberries in the tub planter and  Mr G dug up and moved a clump of Echinacea, some Tagetes lucida, a couple of thyme plants and  I re-potted some of the plants that go on the deck, so it does look as though something has been accomplished.  Today it’s quite windy, sunny and a little chilly, so in between the weather and my fatigue I won’t even try to get out and work in the garden today.  Maybe tomorrow, because, after all, to plan a garden or to plant a seed is to believe in tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Weak, Woozy and Wet Weather

I may have overdone it by going to the market on Saturday.  I spent most of Sunday feeling weak and woozy, which was most frustrating. I did get a few things accomplished but not much. I decided on something simple for supper, so made  a chicken and avocado salad with  almond/orange dressing, using a recipe from Annabel Langbein’s cookbook.  The chicken was surprisingly tender and juicy, which was a surprise since most of the breasts we’ve cooked lately have been tough and tasteless. I’ll probably use her method of poaching chicken using mostly residual heat, from now on.

By Monday I was feeling a little more energetic and got plenty of exercise by going up and down the basement stairs to do several loads of laundry. For only two people Mr. G and I seem to have a lot of dirty laundry. Sometimes, when I view the pile of laundry that needs to be washed, I wonder if   someone isn’t sneaking in and dropping off their laundry hoping I won’t notice.  But alas, it is all ours. After getting the laundry washed, dried, folded and put away, I  decided to cook some of the shiitake mushrooms we had bought on Saturday.  I chopped about half of them, along with some white mushrooms I already had, and made a  mushroom velouté. I don't know if it was the mushrooms or just time doing its thing, but I do feel more energetic today and not nearly as fatigued as I have been feeling.

I had hoped that when my energy level improved we’d be able to get some things done in the garden, but the weather hasn’t been cooperative-  it’s been rainy, windy, cloudy and  generally not good weather for being outside, and it looks like the forecast is calling for more of the same.  There’s plenty that needs to be  one inside, so I won’t be idle- but it’s more fun  to be outside playing in the dirt!  Meanwhile, I’ll  look at  pictures of past efforts in the garden and  keep hoping I’ll be able to  get out there soon to finish  weeding and bed prepping and get on to the business of planting!  Last year, not sure  how I was going to react to the chemotherapy, I pretty much   did my gardening on the deck, in containers, which worked out well,  as  you can see from these pics, 

but  I’d like to get some stuff in the ground  again this year, and  rework my  little raised beds again   These pics are from 2014, and that’s what I’m aiming for, as well as having a  nice deck garden again. Except for the Squash.  I will not grow squash.  Squash vine borers and other  critters that have attacked   my squash plants every year leaving a   limp and wilted  mess rather than the nice  healthy robust plants I began with have convinced me that I am no match for them. I have tried every non-toxic remedy I could find, to no avail.  I admit defeat. I will concentrate my efforts instead on picking off the  tobacco hornworms that  seek to destroy the tomatoes every year. Organic gardening in the Deep South is a challenge.  I love a challenge- as long as it isn't TOO challenging ;-) 

Saturday, April 09, 2016

This Little Piggy Went to Market

Today was the first market of the new season at Pepper Place Farmers Market, and I was determined to go because it’s become a tradition. So, heeding the warning to avoid sun exposure while on Erbitux, I slathered on the SPF 30 sunscreen, donned long sleeves and a hat and off we went.  The long sleeves, and the turtleneck I wore turned out to be a good choice because it was   a tad on the chilly side this morning.  As we neared the market, the streets were lined with cars for blocks and people were walking.  I didn’t know if I was quite up to walking a great distance since I still felt just a little weak and wonky, but sometimes the fates smile upon us, and they did today. We lucked out, and found a spot just across the street from the market on our first pass.

The market is usually crowded on opening day, but today was as crowded as I have ever seen it. 

You could barely move.  And dogs! It seemed like every other person there had brought his or her dogs.  It would be nice if they would also bring pooper-scoopers and not let their dogs on retractable leashes  tangle  themselves around folks' legs, but. . .Some dogs were very well behaved; others   seemed to be over stimulated by the sights and scents. This guy was one of the calmer ones, waiting patiently for his folks to finish making their purchase. I could never take Agatha and Victoria- the excitement would be too much for them and they'd  most likely have conniption fits and never recover!

There were vendors with all manner of food and craft items.  The fresh veggies and strawberries were in abundance and there were two mushroom vendors. We bought some spinach, strawberries and shiitake mushrooms. We decided to grab a cup of coffee and something to eat and sit at one of the tables.  Mr. G bought some boudin sausage and I grabbed a chocolate croissant. It was nice and relaxing to sit and listen to Debbie Bond and Rick Asherson play the blues and watch the little kids grooving to the music and dancing, having a grand time. 


It was a fun morning, but I was   quite tired so we decided to head for home.   
Once  home I took a nice long nap. Altogether it was a pretty good Saturday, perfect weather with blue skies, a wonderful market with fresh veggies, happy little kids, and blues music for entertainment. Who could ask for more?

Thursday, April 07, 2016

Progress Report- Good News and Bad News

 Spent another long day in the oncology clinic yesterday; we got there at 8:30 AM and left just after 2 PM.  One of the oncology nurses had phoned on Monday to ask if I could get there an hour early because the doctor was changing my chemo drugs and the new combination would need to infuse at least four hours.  I figured the CT scan results from last week’s scan must not be what we had hoped for. As it turns out there was some good news and some bad news on the CT scan. The bad news is that the liver tumor has increased in size by 18%. The good news is that all the other hypodensities in the liver and pancreas have remained stable and that the stomach, small bowel, appendix and colon appear normal and the rectal mass is still unseen. Based on the growth of the liver tumor, my oncologist started me on a new chemo regimen today.  I thought at first that I would be getting FOLFIRI plus Erbitux, but I’m actually just getting the Erbitux and Camptosar (Irinotecan), both of which have some fairly nasty side effects, but have shown a lot of promise in clinical trials, especially in patients with wild type KRAS gene, which I have.  So I guess that makes me a wild child. I’m hoping I can tolerate the side effects without having to stop the treatment early. One of the side effects of the Erbitux is an acne-like rash which I hear is quite unpleasant.  The doctor said if I did get the rash to call and they would phone in a prescription for a gel to use on the rash.  I hope it doesn’t come to that.  One should not have to deal with acne in one’s seventies; I am sure there are better ways to fake a youthful appearance!

Once in the infusion room I saw that someone had already taken my favorite chair so I wasn’t as close to a plug for my Kindle. It didn’t really matter as it turns out because I kept drifting off to sleep anyway and didn’t use the Kindle much.  I took the Tylenol the nurse brought, and then she hooked me up with some benadryl and  anti-nausea drugs. After that, we got the heavy stuff.  A short while after the Erbitux began flowing I began to itch.  Furiously. On my arms, legs, abdomen, buttocks. Then welts started popping up.  I looked and felt like I had been closed up in a roomful of angry, hungry, biting mosquitoes!  The nurse stopped the Erbitux and hooked up something to stop the itching.  It worked, thank goodness!  She told me my mouth would get very dry, like it had cotton stuffed in it. Sure enough it did, but she had brought me a cup of water and a peppermint candy- they helped a lot. We were able to continue the infusion of the Erbitux, then they hooked up the Camptosar and after another hour and a half, I was unhooked  and on my way.  The best part is that I’m not on the pump any more! The doctor took me off 5-FU. Hallelujah!

Much as I dislike this whole set of circumstances, I am constantly reminded that some people are a lot worse off.  One poor elderly woman who came in for her first treatment didn’t yet have a port.  It took three nurses to try to get a vein that would work.  She kept hollering in pain telling them to take it out, she’d just come back tomorrow.  They finally gave up and   took her down to radiology, so she might be getting a combination of chemo plus radiation. I hope she gets her problem sorted out, but she has a rough road ahead, for sure.
When I went back to the waiting room to find Mr.G he said I looked pale as a ghost, and after looking in the mirror I have to agree with him.  I could probably try out for a part on the Walking Dead and not even need make-up! Once we were in the car, I kept dozing off and went straight to sleep once we got home.  I slept most of the afternoon, off and on and felt completely wiped out.  This morning I still look like death warmed over, but am feeling much perkier, although my face feels hot (no fever) and has a strange mottled appearance with some red blotches, grey skin  areas. To make things worse the bags under my eyes look like I’ve been packing them for a trip. This too shall pass.  At least I hope so!